I'm finally free!!!! Satan, go back to hell....

I have been set free......and when I say set free, I mean SET FREE!!!!!! I have had the worst few months....I think it's safe to say that satan KNEW I was on the verge of breaking free and really harassed the heck out of me so I couldn't allow the breakthrough to happen. Let me tell you about my last couple of weeks.....
It started when we had a speaker at our church a month or so back....his name is escaping me right now, Frank something....ah, whatever....anyway, he was good, REALLY good. He was really passionate and I hung on his every word. Towards the end of the service, he prayed for those that wanted the gift of tongues and to be washed in the Holy Spirit. I knew I needed SOMETHING, so I decided to go out front and have him pray for me. I felt a lot better after leaving there, but there was still something that either I wasn't GETTING or the breakthrough hadn't quite hit the mark. I was really starting to question God.....a LOT. What did He want from me, FOR me? I wanted joy, I wanted happiness, I wanted this blasted low self esteem GONE. I wanted worth, because I wasn't getting it from ANYONE around here, including my family, especially my family. Hubs and kids were making me nuts by their actions and words....I couldn't take much more. Crazy thoughts were in my head....very crazy ones.....walking away from my family, starving myself to death, just self destructive things. This Frank fella snapped those thoughts out of my head, praise the Lord, but I was still very down. I decided at this point that I was tired.....tired of being sick and tired. I begun teaching myself Photoshop so I could improve my photos, I sewed my little heart out and made things for the girls and I, and something I've been wanting to do for a LONG time...I decided to join the worship team at church. Making these small choices made me feel heaps better, especially the worship team one. I've been wanting to serve at church, but in actuality was freaked out by the idea of being on the worship team because I felt small and inadequate next to these awesome ladies and gentlemen of God. I felt I had no right to be standing next to them even if I did have a decent voice to contribute to the group. satan the snake had his bugs in my ear....."you don't deserve it, your voice sucks, you're too fat, you'll look like a fool next to those people of strong faith" etc, etc......if you're Christian, you know satan's drill. I was at one of my lowest points when I went to the first team group meeting. It was a team builders night where they don't sing but do activities and build communication skills and just fellowship with each other. I was in MISERY!!!! I felt I had no right to be there.....wanted SO much to go home and just cry. But they had a bit of a message that really spoke to me....it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was about people that build up as opposed to people that destroy.....was awesome. I'm not sure if anyone could understand the impact it had on me that night.....I wasn't the one destroying....I was being DESTROYED!!!! I spoke with a precious new friend of mine at the end of the night.....she asked me if I was okay and we talked.....I vaguely spoke to her about some of my issues and she asked if I could share a bit more. I didn't feel comfortable dumping on her at this meeting but I told her I would share at some point. But I did tell her I was being totally destroyed right now and she said she would pray for me. I held onto that and hoped she would. I felt better after leaving there. I held on, barely, just begging God to sustain me until satan stopped his warfare on me. I would spend most of my days just begging Him to make my family stop saying mean things and for Heaven's sake, send me a friend I can talk to!!!! I honestly believe in my heart and soul that the reason I have been so blue is because my girlfriend circle is basically non-existant here. I miss my friends, I ache for my friends that I had in America. The potential ones here just don't seem to have time for the friendships I crave so much.....and I certainly don't fault them for that, they have lives and jobs and families. ANyway, I knew Diane was going to be here and in all honesty, I actually dreaded, as well as looked forward to, her coming. I dreaded it because I know how prophetic she is and how she can see ALL the ugly that was me. It is embarrassing to have so much inside you that you really don't know how to get rid of. I began to stop begging God for it and started claiming that I wanted to be set free.....I didn't want to just be happy, I wanted JOY.....the kind of joy that radiates from your very core. I didn't want mediocrity, I wanted SPECTACULAR. I wanted more. I am on Facebook ALL the time and would see all these requests for prayer....so I took it upon myself to pray for these people. I thought to myself "Hey, I might be a total mess, but I can pray others don't end up like me". So I prayed, I took back my positive attitude towards life, even when I was around Ol' Norman Negative....I just refused to let his moods ruin my day. I felt better when I was praying for others, knowing God would work His ways in their lives and situations....I prayed, I worshipped, I read my Bible on my Blackberry, I read my Joyce Meyer books, my Christian novels, I wrote in my positive thoughts journal.....I felt hugely better, but I still had that inner battle going on.....satan and his nasty rotten loathesome self whispering in my ears.....
Enter Diane Pearce.....I didn't even WANT to go to churhc that Sunday......I didn't want to see her set free OTHERS, I wanted her to set ME free. I was minutes away from not going, but every time I have had that attitude, I force myself to go and I usually benefit immensely from it. I knew how amazing of a speaker she was, so I knew I would benefit , but I needed a miracle and satan was telling me I had not a hope in hell to get one. I shook that fork tongued, nasty thing off and went.
I happened to be standing at the door when she walked in and she gave me a hug and kissed my cheek and we chatted for a few minutes. Somehow, I had a feeling.......maybe today was my day.....just maybe. I even was blessed enough to have two of my most fave youths girls watching my girls so I could be in the service. Our church bookstore happened to be there selling books too and I had had my eye on the Joyce Meyer book POWER THOUGHTS and had almost bought it earlier that week. Well, our so generous pastor asked who would like a copy and I shot my hand in the air and he gave it to me....woo hoo....put me on a cloud already!!! She spoke and blew me away as she always does. At the end she asked if anyone needed healing.....my mind said "NO, you need a miracle!!!!!" I walked to the front....I waited and spent some time with God......I asked to be free, I asked for worth, I asked for acceptance, I asked for friends to talk to, I asked for joy. I felt heaps better after church....so much so that I actually stayed and chatted for a bit after church, which I had been avoiding for months....unless someone caught me and I HAD to talk to them. Now, if you know me, even a LITTLE bit, you know that is SO NOT like me!!!! I can talk to ANYONE....I love to talk to people, learning about their lives, sharing mine with them.....it's hard to shut me up at times.....so to avoid socialization is big for me. I also thought that maybe I needed to just work on being the silent type as my chattery-ness and sarcastic wit may put these Aussie people off. So I tried to listen and be quiet.....dang near killed me, but I was doing it.
Wednesday night rolls around....I wanted to hear Diane again......
When time came around where she was starting to pick folks out of the congregation, she nailed me square on the head.....She said I feel like there are some people that have escaped being killed by the bear, only to run into a tiger. Then they escape the tiger, go home, put their hand out and get bitten by a snake....I whispered to my husband, gee, I believe she just summed up my life in 2 sentences. She said she felt like there were 3.....She caught the eye of the first one....she asked her to come forward and she prayed for her. She looked around for the second person, Kev nudged me and said raise your hand, I did, but she missed me. She prayed for the next person. She looked for the third person and I raised my hand the same time as another....she said Oh, I thought there were 3.....well, come forward. And you know what satan did? He said hahahahahaha she thinks you are full of it. I said to him...I am NOT full of it you slimy lump of crap.....she just described me and you KNOW it.....maybe someone ELSE was full of it......maybe she just had her number wrong....stupid stupid satan. She prayed for me and then she evidently knew how strong old slimys hold was on me.....she pulled out the big guns and asked the whole congregation to lift their hands to me and pray too. Slimeball satan knew his hold on me was on the last thread and he was hanging on for dear life....she said I just see/feel something on your back, I'm just going to remove it. I LITERALLY felt like my feet left the ground at this point.....my back and shoulder tingled as this "thing" was removed off of me.......I fell to my knees rather than fall over and this powerful feeling of joy enveloped me. I started to smile and just pray quietly to myself....it was freaking amazing!!!!! I left there Wed night on a cloud! Decided to go Saturday at this point, I wanted more and I wasn't going to quit until I got it. I rode the bike with the kids in tow and my son watched the girls while I stayed in and listened to Diane. She spoke an amazing message AGAIN and I hung on every word!!!! I can't remember how she picked me out of the crowd THIS time, but she singled me and another lady out.....she prayed for her and then prayed for me. She asked me if I had ever thought about healing people, and I said yes a few months back I wished I could heal peoples hurts....she said that she saw me healing people and to, get this.....not change my personality because it was my personality that could bring people to God....even more people than her! WHAT?! More people than HER? This lady travels the world sharing the Gospel....how would I EVER heal more people than her?! She also said and I feel the need to lift all this guilt and shame from you that you carry....my eyes flew opened and I just smiled....I was being set free at this very moment. She asked God to take it away like the wind or something and she blew on me and I felt like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix.....I bent over backward ( I'm absolutely sure it felt like I was bent way back, but I know I wasn't as my body doesn't bend like that anymore...HAHAHA)...but it felt like I bent like a pretzel. I had to sit before I fell over and was glad I did because waves of joy flooded ALL over me.....Again, I started to smile and couldn't stop. We had a break and ALL I could think was NOOOOO, I don't want a break, I want more more more!!!!!! After break, I grinned and smiled and cried through the rest of her message.....I was SO flooded with happiness and felt free, honestly, for the first time in my LIFE!!!!! I told Kevin about it afterwards and he said Yaaaaaaay. That was the extent of his excitement, but I didn't care.....I was changed....changed forever.
Sunday night.....I couldn't WAIT for Sunday night.....her last night. I wanted everything I could suck up. Her message: AMAZING, AWESOME, OUTSTANDING, POWERFUL, etc etc...ALL good things. At the end, Kev wanted to go up for prayer.....I went up with him....while we were waiting, I just prayed for the small things that have held me back in the past....I prayed for courage, I prayed for direction for the future, and I prayed for an ARMY of angels to surround me and keep me protected until satan gave up....she prayed for Kev and then came to me....she held my hands and said "Anoint these healing hands....bless these healing hands" I, again, felt like my feet had left the floor....awesome stuff. Later, Kev told me that he was going to be prosperous.....that it would just hit him one day and he would become prosperous. All my dreams came true in the course of a week......you can't get the smile off of my face or the bounce out of my step.....God is awesome....'nuf said!!!!!!! I am no longer afraid to step out and do the things I feel led to do. I no longer feel the need to be the best, because I am okay with the fact that someone will ALWYAS be better, and that's okay. I'm gonna go up and sing with the worship team, lnowing that God says I have a right to be there because it is ALL for Him.....I am free.....truly, truly free....Amen!

Challenging Myself to Step Out on a Limb

I decided early this year to step out on a limb and do more things for myself. I have a few talents that I really need to nourish and grow and actually do something with. I chose to put my fears aside and like Nike....JUST DO IT! I have pretty much had ANY artistic ability I had growing up completely squelched or made fun of. No matter WHAT I did, I knew that going into law, becoming a doctor, an accountant, architecture or any of those other well paying jobs would never happen for me. Not because I'm not intelligent enough, but because I had/have NO desire to be involved in the pressures of those types of jobs. I have always had artistic talent in pretty much ANYTHING artistic......dancing, singing, acting, writing, drawing, crafting, sewing, crocheting, knitting, photography, playing instruments....if it is artistic, I am wholeheartedly, completely, fully into it. And it's funny, because if you want to pursue anything in the professional art world, it is probably as much pressure or more so than the other types of jobs....but hey, that's my gift.
So, I challenged myself this year to do more in the way of improving upon the artistic "me". I sit at home day after day, with no friends to hang with, out of my home country and do nothing. The things I look forward to are my one day a week grocery shopping outing, and my one day a week physie class. Sad, I know, but it's all I have. My husband is painfully shy and HATES crowds and people, so any kind of couples activities are strictly OUT. Which has often made me wonder why God placed me with him. Now, after almost 7 years, I think I know. I'm stuck at home, but it's here where I can actually embrace my artistic side and DO the things I love so much!!!!!! So, I'm embracing every possible realm of the arts I can......I am now writing my first novel, I've finished my first painting class, I take a dance type class, I am getting voice lessons, I sew, I am obssessed with photography, and I am teaching myself the keyboard....AGAIN. I would like to approach some authors about blogging about their books, too. I have to get more followers of this blog, though before I would feel comfortable doing that. This is my second blog site.....the first one I felt like I needed to shut down because I had a few creepy blog stalkers and the blog site wouldn't do anything about them. So I am hoping the creepy cyber stalkers won't find me here....heheheehe.
I am ready to find the thing or things that I can spend the rest of my life doing.....So,ME, I am throwing down the gauntlet and issuing the challenge......DO the things that you've always been good at......get better at them....and use them for the glory of God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After all, it was He who gave me the artistic gifts in the first place. I don't have my family to squelch the desires of my heart anymore.....I don't even have to tell them I'm doing this......I just need to DO it!!!!!

What? Who, ME??????

I'm beginning to turn into THAT woman......yes, some of you know who I'm talking about. That woman who is a stay at home mama and LOVES her job, but is beginning to think that there is more to life than diaper duty, projectile vomiting, and cleaning up after everyone else. I am beginning to be the woman who wishes she could go out into the work force just so she can be around adults and have adult conversation that doesn't involve singing Wiggles songs around the clock. I'm becoming the woman that feels SO underappreciated, frumpy, underchallenged, depressed, grumpy, and unfulfilled. I'm the woman that is extraordinarily blessed, but yet doesn't understand why she feels so unhappy. I'm waking up on the wrong side of the bed so much that I wonder if there is still a "right" side of the bed. How does one snap out of this? What does a woman do when she wants a day off? Or two? Or ten!!!!! How can you explain to your un-understanding hubby that you need more.....more sleep, more hugs, more compliments, more help, more appreciation.....just more. Is it possible to actually get hubs to pick his flipping socks up off the floor??? Or his shirts? Pants? Undies? How do you make him understand that when he gives "mail" to the 2 and 4 yr olds that when they tear it up into tiny little pieces and you have bent over 1000 times to pick them up that he needs to FLIPPING STOP GIVING THEM PAPER!!!!!! I am becoming THAT woman......
I SO did not want to be that woman, either! I realize that real life isn't a fairy tale, don't get me wrong, I'm not TOTALLY deluded, I know that no one has the PERFECT life.....but is it wrong to expect common courtesy from thos you live with in your own home? How do you get kids to clean up after themselves without screaming yourself stupid at them? What do you do when time-outs, gentle spanks, time in the corner, removal of privileges, and being sent to your room doesn't work? I don't want to withdraw completely from my life but I sure feel like it. Nothing is appealing to me lately.....I just want to cry all the time. I know, I know.....depression.....
Don't get me wrong....I'm not that upset that I'm gonna drive my car off a cliff or anything, but dang.....I'm just a frustrated mama from Mississippi, living in Australia and needing a break!!!!! A break from hubby, a break from the kids....some time for me where I can curl up with a book, or my computer to work on my book, or sit on a deserted island with a gallon of double shot margaritas!!!!!! I want to be able to pull out my paints and canvas without also having to pull out the finger paints and THEN have to clean the mess up afterwards......I want to sit down to write and be able to actually concentrate, not have to keep interrupting my thoughts to wipe a snotty nose, get water or milk for someone, find something that's right in front of hubby's face......I want to be able to hop on my bike and go for what I now call a "mental health ride" and not have to helmet and strap 2 kids into the carriage behind the bike.....I want to finish some of the beautiful sewing projects I have started so I can wear some of these amazing clothes that are half finished and not have to wear clothes with holes in them.....I want to be able to go to the bathroom and have an uninterrupted shower or bubble bath.....I want to go out to the beach and take photos without having to leave my camera in the car because I have to watch 2 girls so they don't drown in the ocean.....
Am I being selfish here? Is ANYONE saying AMEN to ANY of this???? Because I'm here to tell you.....I'm A DONKEY ON THE EDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gee, I feel better now that I have vented a bit......now I will go and kiss my three kids while they sleep, give hubby an extra snuggle tonight and go back and read this and go....WHAT? Who, ME?

Tired of it ALL

Okay.....y'all will have to forgive me for anything I might say that's offensive on this blog.....wait a second, this is MY blog, and I really don't care what ANYONE thinks because I am ANGRY!!!!! Angry as I can be!!!!! Don't get me wrong....I LOVE my family very much, but right now......I am seething mad at everyone in this house except the baby. And only NOT angry with her because she doesn't know better and she just wanted something that was taken from her. Okay....lemme re-cap my day.....woke up to the sound of the 3yr old absolutely tormenting the baby to the point where she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Which started my day off really bad because 1. I went to bed at 10:30, which is early for me, but didn't actually fall asleep until 1:30am for some reason. So, getting awakened at 5:45 am, didn't start Cyndi out in a very good mood. And 2. Because I hate being awakened for un-necessary things. So, I jump out of bed and break up the high-pitched squealing incident. I proceed to the kitchen where my son, who is not supposed to be out of bed until 6:30am at the earliest, is sitting on the couch watching a movie that was....well, a bit questionable. It was an R-rated one that he knows he isn't supposed to be watching. It had a lot of swearing in it, and he's been asked to not watch it. So, then I had to deal with that. Then, I make my way to the coffee machine, because I figure, if I have to be up at 5:45 for no reason, I'm gonna need some coffee...and FAST!!!!! So, I make the coffee...feed the kids breakfast, get them watching Hi-5 and other cartoons and I proceed to settle down to do some writing and play my fave FB games. So, my boy gets on the other computer, and of course, the teenager is still asleep and will be for many many more hours.....we'll get to him later.....
At this point, everything SEEMED to be okay at this point until the 3 yr old decides she wants something on the speaker where my hot coffee was....I'm sure you can guess what happened then.....yeah, she dumped it ALL over my arm and into my chair. I jumped up with my skin on fire and, surprisingly, screamed no obscenities.....I was very shocked and all I could think of was ripping my shirt off and getting this very hot coffee soaked shirt as far away from me as possible. Meanwhile, while I was in the bedroom changing and then going to put my shirt in the laundry, my 17 month old was in my make-up and covered in lipstick...my FAVORITE lipstick. And as she was doing this, my 11 and 3 yr old just sat there and did NOTHING!!!! I kind of don't expect the 3 yr old to do anything, but my 11 yr old should have at least TOLD me or tried to get the lipstick away from her....but he couldn't be bothered. About that time, my son's friends came over and wanted to play....which was fine with me....so he and his friend (and minutes later, his friends' brothers) are in the back room playing on the computer....which, again, I don't mind but the youngest one has NO intention of following our "house rules"....he does what he wants.....which means walking into my bedroom when I am changing, coming into the house without knocking, climbing on the windowsill and poking holes in the screens, going around to the back of the house if no one answers the door and peering through the windows and shouting for someone to and I quote "let me the hell IN"....this kid is like 5 years old too. He also just helps himself into the cupboards and every room in the house....even when asked to stay out of them. Anyway, everything SEEMS to be all well at this point....boys playing in the back, girls watching tv, me on the computer, teenager STILL sleeping. All of a sudden I hear AWWWWWWW COOL, and proceed to see ALL of my books being pulled off the shelf and thrown onto the floor so this little boy could get into my greeting card box where he could lick ALL of my envelopes. Enter a very MAD mother.....I asked my son to take the boys outside (it was around 10am at this point.....the boys go outside....yaaaaaay. Teenager wakes at 10:30 and rather than taking a shower, proceeds to spray an ENTIRE can of the nastiest, old man deodorant all over every inch of his body!!!!! Dear, heavens....my allergies!!!!!! Teenager proceeds to park himself on my couch and take over what hubby and I call the "grown-up" TV.....the kid TV is in the back, but this kid could care less....he does what he wants to, when he wants to with absolutely no concern for anyone else. I proceed to do several loads of laundry, the dishes, make the beds, general pick up....hubby comes home from work and I ask what he'd like for breakfast/lunch. He fixes his own breakfast, which I appreciated, but left a mess of fruit and yogurt all over the counter....I sigh and clean that mess, too. He parks himself on the couch and gets on his computer...which, I don't mind...he did just get off work and is entitled to have a rest...no worries. If you know my hubby, you know that I have to ask VERY early in the day what he wants for dinner because I'm a good cook, but a bad meal planner, so I need a little notice. So I ask him....darling, what would you like for dinner? I get the answer I expected.....WHATEVER. So, I'm thinking chicken of some sort. All I can think of is Buffalo chicken wings....they don't have those in Aussie land, and I often wish I could have them.....so, I hit the net to find a buffalo chicken sauce recipe. My mouth was watering as I read the recipe, as it is as I am writing this. So, I said mmmmmm buffalo chicken.....well, I didn't get the response I was hoping for, so I searched for chicken stew or something with rice, which also sounded good. Anyway, kids are asking for treats (we had none), so I said I'd make something yummy for after dinner dessert. They all wanted to know what I was making....I said SECRET, which started my kids a-begging as to what I would make. I SO miss Reese's Peanut Butter cups, so I wanted something peanut buttery and chocolatey.....mmmmmmmm I decided I was going to attempt to make chocolate cupcakes with a gooey peanut butter center. So, I got lucky and my hubby ended up making dinner because he didn't think my recipe I had picked would turn out very good....as per usual.....this is the man that does EVERYTHING right, makes NO mistakes, and ALWAYS criticizes people who don't do things the way HE thinks they should. So, it's only natural that I would mess up something simple like chicken stew.....
So I proceed to fold all the laundry while he's cooking dinner, keep the girls entertained, work around teenager who is STILL parked on the couch watching tv, and 11 yr old who has just come in demanding something to eat because he had skipped all his meals because playing was more important. He got told to wait. Hubby gets dinner served and we sit down to eat and I get hounded again about what dessert I will make. I don't like telling anyone what I'm making because if they don't like it, they will complain and gripe about it until I either make nothing at all, which means that the non complainers get punished because of a bad seed. And then everyone else is in a rotten mood because they don't get a treat because of the complainer. So, after dinner, teenager goes back to the couch, 11 yr old goes to his room to play, and I asked for the older three (hubby, teenager, and 11 yr old) to please keep the girls out of the kitchen so I could get this done with no stress. Did that happen......NO, not even a LITTLE bit! I asked teenager to stay out of the kitchen as well, but he marches right in and reads the recipe so he could go and tell everyone what I was making, ruining the surprise I SO wanted to deliver to my family who I love so much.....so that really made me mad! THEN, the girls, being unwatched as asked, wandered into the kitchen and wanted to lick the beaters....I was going to need them again ASAP, but because hubby said awwwwww, just let them lick a beater, I did. Well 3 yr old had no problem giving it back when I needed it back, but 17 month old...oh dear heavens, screamed like a banshee, because for all she knew, mama was taking her treat away from her. SO she stood next to me and screamed and screamed and screamed......and SCREAMED. Where is hubby? On the computer. Where is teenager? On his ass watching TV....STILL!!!! Where is 11 yr old? Playing video games. So I said SCREW this ( sorry, Mama), threw the bowls in the sink and said I'm not doing this. Then I proceeded to get verbally attacked from 3 yr old, 11 yr old, teenager, and husband because now they weren't getting their peanut butter chocolate cupcakes.....they ALL jumped up and offered to help with the baby, but I was FED UP! I had NO intention of going back to the kitchen and making ANYTHING for those ungrateful JERKS. They should have helped me the FIRST freaking time!!!!!!!! After all, 11 yr old did nothing but play all day while I did his laundry, washed his dishes, and picked up, and attempted a nice dessert for him....teenager, who has GOT to be the laziest person ( other than his mother) on this whole earth, slept until 10:30, watched movies and played on the computer all day. Why? Oh, why could no one just helped out while I made THEM a treat? I mean can someone not get off their butt just to play with the baby for about 20 minutes while I whipped up the stinking cupcakes???? I gave up cooking Buffalo chicken because the idea didn't sound good to his highness and the prince (hubby and his son).....and then I have to give up the peanut butter and chocolate dessert that I SO craved, too because I had to hold a screaming baby. Then I get attitude from hubby for being mad....this is an every day occurrence for me and I am stinking SICK TO DEATH OF IT!!!!!! Tell me, folks....am I wrong to be angry and feel unappreciated? I honestly wouldn't care if this only happened once in a while but this is EVERY day now......Okay, venting over.....time to chill out and see if I can get over this.....

2010....good year, bad year? YOU decide for yourself!

As 2009 closes, I reflect back on the last year....I accomplished several things I really wanted to......some things that I also really wanted to do, didn't happen. But as I am really trying to be positive about the things that didn't happen, it still makes me sad. I hoped to really find some people here in my town, or near my town that I could grow closer to. I am having a horrible time finding someone who I connect with, who I can trust and who likes some of the same things as me. I MISS terribly all my friends back in America. I don't hate Australia, I actually love it here, but I am very lonely for girlfriends. I hope this year will be the year I find some close friends. I accomplished a healthier eating style, which I truly needed....although at times, I really, REALLY don't like it. But I am doing it all the same. I accomplished a lot, sewing-wise. I learned SO many new things and have made several outfits for myself and my girls, as well as helped with costuming with the show I did. I am VERY interested in photography right now and this year would really like to study the craft a LOT more. I'm hoping to take some classes and get better at it. I grew as a mama, which I needed to do. I learned to be more patient, more accepting, and more of a stick to your guns parent, too. I will still be working on getting better at this quality THIS year too. I learned a lot about other people....the kind I'd like to become more like, and more impotantly, the kind I want to avoid totally. I've learned to try and find the good in others at all times. Surely EVERYONE has SOME good in them, even if you have to dig WAY deep to find it. I've learned not to give up on my dreams.....some of them I know I will probably never accomplish, but I will still try. I've learned not to give up on people....they are worth fighting for....Jesus fought for me, and for the people I don't like, so I will keep on trying to love the unloveable. I realized last year that my BS meter is now REALLY low. I don't have time for any more drama, back stabbing, gossip, meanness, intimidation, or anything from anyone! I refuse to stand idly by when someone is being done wrong or unjustly talked about or gossiped about. I know I can't right ALL the wrongs I see and hear, but the ones in my teeny corner of the world I will do my best to make right. Positivity is going to be HUGE in my life this year.....I used to be Nancy Negative in EVERY situation.....about 10 yrs ago, I realized it wasn't working for me, so I made a decision to change it. I did, but it seems that ol' Nancy has eeked her way back in this year and I have decided NO MORE. I hate negativity, and I want no part of it, ANYMORE! So I'm putting on my positive panties here. I think and hope that at the end of this year, I will have HUGE accomplishments and goals met because of the positive thinking and acting. So goodbye 2009, it was a decent year, but I want SPECTACULR.....so bring it on!