I'm finally free!!!! Satan, go back to hell....

I have been set free......and when I say set free, I mean SET FREE!!!!!! I have had the worst few months....I think it's safe to say that satan KNEW I was on the verge of breaking free and really harassed the heck out of me so I couldn't allow the breakthrough to happen. Let me tell you about my last couple of weeks.....
It started when we had a speaker at our church a month or so back....his name is escaping me right now, Frank something....ah, whatever....anyway, he was good, REALLY good. He was really passionate and I hung on his every word. Towards the end of the service, he prayed for those that wanted the gift of tongues and to be washed in the Holy Spirit. I knew I needed SOMETHING, so I decided to go out front and have him pray for me. I felt a lot better after leaving there, but there was still something that either I wasn't GETTING or the breakthrough hadn't quite hit the mark. I was really starting to question God.....a LOT. What did He want from me, FOR me? I wanted joy, I wanted happiness, I wanted this blasted low self esteem GONE. I wanted worth, because I wasn't getting it from ANYONE around here, including my family, especially my family. Hubs and kids were making me nuts by their actions and words....I couldn't take much more. Crazy thoughts were in my head....very crazy ones.....walking away from my family, starving myself to death, just self destructive things. This Frank fella snapped those thoughts out of my head, praise the Lord, but I was still very down. I decided at this point that I was tired.....tired of being sick and tired. I begun teaching myself Photoshop so I could improve my photos, I sewed my little heart out and made things for the girls and I, and something I've been wanting to do for a LONG time...I decided to join the worship team at church. Making these small choices made me feel heaps better, especially the worship team one. I've been wanting to serve at church, but in actuality was freaked out by the idea of being on the worship team because I felt small and inadequate next to these awesome ladies and gentlemen of God. I felt I had no right to be standing next to them even if I did have a decent voice to contribute to the group. satan the snake had his bugs in my ear....."you don't deserve it, your voice sucks, you're too fat, you'll look like a fool next to those people of strong faith" etc, etc......if you're Christian, you know satan's drill. I was at one of my lowest points when I went to the first team group meeting. It was a team builders night where they don't sing but do activities and build communication skills and just fellowship with each other. I was in MISERY!!!! I felt I had no right to be there.....wanted SO much to go home and just cry. But they had a bit of a message that really spoke to me....it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was about people that build up as opposed to people that destroy.....was awesome. I'm not sure if anyone could understand the impact it had on me that night.....I wasn't the one destroying....I was being DESTROYED!!!! I spoke with a precious new friend of mine at the end of the night.....she asked me if I was okay and we talked.....I vaguely spoke to her about some of my issues and she asked if I could share a bit more. I didn't feel comfortable dumping on her at this meeting but I told her I would share at some point. But I did tell her I was being totally destroyed right now and she said she would pray for me. I held onto that and hoped she would. I felt better after leaving there. I held on, barely, just begging God to sustain me until satan stopped his warfare on me. I would spend most of my days just begging Him to make my family stop saying mean things and for Heaven's sake, send me a friend I can talk to!!!! I honestly believe in my heart and soul that the reason I have been so blue is because my girlfriend circle is basically non-existant here. I miss my friends, I ache for my friends that I had in America. The potential ones here just don't seem to have time for the friendships I crave so much.....and I certainly don't fault them for that, they have lives and jobs and families. ANyway, I knew Diane was going to be here and in all honesty, I actually dreaded, as well as looked forward to, her coming. I dreaded it because I know how prophetic she is and how she can see ALL the ugly that was me. It is embarrassing to have so much inside you that you really don't know how to get rid of. I began to stop begging God for it and started claiming that I wanted to be set free.....I didn't want to just be happy, I wanted JOY.....the kind of joy that radiates from your very core. I didn't want mediocrity, I wanted SPECTACULAR. I wanted more. I am on Facebook ALL the time and would see all these requests for prayer....so I took it upon myself to pray for these people. I thought to myself "Hey, I might be a total mess, but I can pray others don't end up like me". So I prayed, I took back my positive attitude towards life, even when I was around Ol' Norman Negative....I just refused to let his moods ruin my day. I felt better when I was praying for others, knowing God would work His ways in their lives and situations....I prayed, I worshipped, I read my Bible on my Blackberry, I read my Joyce Meyer books, my Christian novels, I wrote in my positive thoughts journal.....I felt hugely better, but I still had that inner battle going on.....satan and his nasty rotten loathesome self whispering in my ears.....
Enter Diane Pearce.....I didn't even WANT to go to churhc that Sunday......I didn't want to see her set free OTHERS, I wanted her to set ME free. I was minutes away from not going, but every time I have had that attitude, I force myself to go and I usually benefit immensely from it. I knew how amazing of a speaker she was, so I knew I would benefit , but I needed a miracle and satan was telling me I had not a hope in hell to get one. I shook that fork tongued, nasty thing off and went.
I happened to be standing at the door when she walked in and she gave me a hug and kissed my cheek and we chatted for a few minutes. Somehow, I had a feeling.......maybe today was my day.....just maybe. I even was blessed enough to have two of my most fave youths girls watching my girls so I could be in the service. Our church bookstore happened to be there selling books too and I had had my eye on the Joyce Meyer book POWER THOUGHTS and had almost bought it earlier that week. Well, our so generous pastor asked who would like a copy and I shot my hand in the air and he gave it to me....woo hoo....put me on a cloud already!!! She spoke and blew me away as she always does. At the end she asked if anyone needed healing.....my mind said "NO, you need a miracle!!!!!" I walked to the front....I waited and spent some time with God......I asked to be free, I asked for worth, I asked for acceptance, I asked for friends to talk to, I asked for joy. I felt heaps better after church....so much so that I actually stayed and chatted for a bit after church, which I had been avoiding for months....unless someone caught me and I HAD to talk to them. Now, if you know me, even a LITTLE bit, you know that is SO NOT like me!!!! I can talk to ANYONE....I love to talk to people, learning about their lives, sharing mine with them.....it's hard to shut me up at times.....so to avoid socialization is big for me. I also thought that maybe I needed to just work on being the silent type as my chattery-ness and sarcastic wit may put these Aussie people off. So I tried to listen and be quiet.....dang near killed me, but I was doing it.
Wednesday night rolls around....I wanted to hear Diane again......
When time came around where she was starting to pick folks out of the congregation, she nailed me square on the head.....She said I feel like there are some people that have escaped being killed by the bear, only to run into a tiger. Then they escape the tiger, go home, put their hand out and get bitten by a snake....I whispered to my husband, gee, I believe she just summed up my life in 2 sentences. She said she felt like there were 3.....She caught the eye of the first one....she asked her to come forward and she prayed for her. She looked around for the second person, Kev nudged me and said raise your hand, I did, but she missed me. She prayed for the next person. She looked for the third person and I raised my hand the same time as another....she said Oh, I thought there were 3.....well, come forward. And you know what satan did? He said hahahahahaha she thinks you are full of it. I said to him...I am NOT full of it you slimy lump of crap.....she just described me and you KNOW it.....maybe someone ELSE was full of it......maybe she just had her number wrong....stupid stupid satan. She prayed for me and then she evidently knew how strong old slimys hold was on me.....she pulled out the big guns and asked the whole congregation to lift their hands to me and pray too. Slimeball satan knew his hold on me was on the last thread and he was hanging on for dear life....she said I just see/feel something on your back, I'm just going to remove it. I LITERALLY felt like my feet left the ground at this point.....my back and shoulder tingled as this "thing" was removed off of me.......I fell to my knees rather than fall over and this powerful feeling of joy enveloped me. I started to smile and just pray quietly to myself....it was freaking amazing!!!!! I left there Wed night on a cloud! Decided to go Saturday at this point, I wanted more and I wasn't going to quit until I got it. I rode the bike with the kids in tow and my son watched the girls while I stayed in and listened to Diane. She spoke an amazing message AGAIN and I hung on every word!!!! I can't remember how she picked me out of the crowd THIS time, but she singled me and another lady out.....she prayed for her and then prayed for me. She asked me if I had ever thought about healing people, and I said yes a few months back I wished I could heal peoples hurts....she said that she saw me healing people and to, get this.....not change my personality because it was my personality that could bring people to God....even more people than her! WHAT?! More people than HER? This lady travels the world sharing the Gospel....how would I EVER heal more people than her?! She also said and I feel the need to lift all this guilt and shame from you that you carry....my eyes flew opened and I just smiled....I was being set free at this very moment. She asked God to take it away like the wind or something and she blew on me and I felt like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix.....I bent over backward ( I'm absolutely sure it felt like I was bent way back, but I know I wasn't as my body doesn't bend like that anymore...HAHAHA)...but it felt like I bent like a pretzel. I had to sit before I fell over and was glad I did because waves of joy flooded ALL over me.....Again, I started to smile and couldn't stop. We had a break and ALL I could think was NOOOOO, I don't want a break, I want more more more!!!!!! After break, I grinned and smiled and cried through the rest of her message.....I was SO flooded with happiness and felt free, honestly, for the first time in my LIFE!!!!! I told Kevin about it afterwards and he said Yaaaaaaay. That was the extent of his excitement, but I didn't care.....I was changed....changed forever.
Sunday night.....I couldn't WAIT for Sunday night.....her last night. I wanted everything I could suck up. Her message: AMAZING, AWESOME, OUTSTANDING, POWERFUL, etc etc...ALL good things. At the end, Kev wanted to go up for prayer.....I went up with him....while we were waiting, I just prayed for the small things that have held me back in the past....I prayed for courage, I prayed for direction for the future, and I prayed for an ARMY of angels to surround me and keep me protected until satan gave up....she prayed for Kev and then came to me....she held my hands and said "Anoint these healing hands....bless these healing hands" I, again, felt like my feet had left the floor....awesome stuff. Later, Kev told me that he was going to be prosperous.....that it would just hit him one day and he would become prosperous. All my dreams came true in the course of a week......you can't get the smile off of my face or the bounce out of my step.....God is awesome....'nuf said!!!!!!! I am no longer afraid to step out and do the things I feel led to do. I no longer feel the need to be the best, because I am okay with the fact that someone will ALWYAS be better, and that's okay. I'm gonna go up and sing with the worship team, lnowing that God says I have a right to be there because it is ALL for Him.....I am free.....truly, truly free....Amen!