Cheers, FRIENDS

I was/am in one of those moods where I am pondering.......pondering about how God is working on me. Ways in which I am not ready ot be worked on. Funny how He does that, eh? When you aren't wanting to be "worked on", He has other plans completely. He is forcing me to face my past...things I would rather keep buried forever. I chose to bury those things because dealing with it is too painful. So painful, in fact, that the mere thought of bringing ALL that crap to the surface and facing it again actually makes me think suicidal thoughts, hence the reason I prefer to leave it buried.....FOREVER! There is not ONE person on this Earth who knows about THAT year.....and I ain't planning on telling anyone about it. I WANTED that left between God and me forever....
So, how does one tell, beg, ask, plead, implore God to let you leave something alone. I don't feel like it builds walls between me and others, I don't mistreat anyone because of this.....I felt like it actually made me stronger, because if a person can go through THAT kind of hell and NOT be dead, then they (me) are pretty dang strong.
I always thought that when I actually shared this with someone, ANYONE, that I would be telling one of my friends in America....who know everything (well, except this) about me and still love me. Amy, Teresa, Beverly....they know it ALL. Two of them actually "knew me when....." I can't have the kind of phone time where I could actually dump this on them and get it off my chest. THIS is why only God knows...why I can talk to Him when it starts to haunt me again, why I can share the most intimate details with Him and not feel like I am being judged. He holds me close when I get scared and tells me it will be okay and I get over it quickly and just bury it back in the "whew, it came, it saw, it went" box and hope it never rears its ugly head again. So, why now? Why THIS? Why not some of the other areas I need to work on.....I just don't trust anyone with information of this calibre. But SHOULD I? Who would it be? When and HOW would I do it? How will they react when I tell them?
Which brings me to my pondering.....Wouldn't it be SO cool if I had friends here in Australia like the ones on FRIENDS or Cheers? You know...."where everybody knows your naaame, and they're always glad you caaaame" and "I'll be there for youuuuuu, when the rain starts to fallllll"...those kinds of friends. Those guys fought, judged, and had issues, but they accepted each other, loved each other and were loyal at all costs. They admitted fault and still loved each other. They listened, they advised, they led and let lead. It would be so amazingly cool to have a circle like that.....sigh. Ah, whatever....I just hope God picks someone who is planning on moving away from this area if I have to share...LOL I don't want the repercussions of that judgement....because I KNOW I will get judgement in some shape form or fashion....is there really ANYONE out there who wouldn't judge me, I wonder. This issue wasn't even my fault in the least, but I just don't want to bring it up, I just want to let the past be the past and forget about it. Okay, gonna go watch Friends now....LOL