Gonna get my Martha Stewart on!!!! Well, in SOME ways!

Okay, so, I have sat on my tushie for far too long......I have decided that my creativity and crafting can no longer wait for my kids to get older. I must "do my thing". I have sat here in my chair for a long time and have decided that I am going to create patterns and do tutorials for some of them so I can share them with others. I have so many ideas and I have sewn so many things for my kids and for me. I have made a lot of gifts and have decided it's time to hit eBay and the markets and sell my wares. I need something I can do from home and this is gonna be it!!!! So look out blog world....I'll be posting pics and stuff reeeeal soon....
Cheers,
Cyn

Cheers, FRIENDS

I was/am in one of those moods where I am pondering.......pondering about how God is working on me. Ways in which I am not ready ot be worked on. Funny how He does that, eh? When you aren't wanting to be "worked on", He has other plans completely. He is forcing me to face my past...things I would rather keep buried forever. I chose to bury those things because dealing with it is too painful. So painful, in fact, that the mere thought of bringing ALL that crap to the surface and facing it again actually makes me think suicidal thoughts, hence the reason I prefer to leave it buried.....FOREVER! There is not ONE person on this Earth who knows about THAT year.....and I ain't planning on telling anyone about it. I WANTED that left between God and me forever....
So, how does one tell, beg, ask, plead, implore God to let you leave something alone. I don't feel like it builds walls between me and others, I don't mistreat anyone because of this.....I felt like it actually made me stronger, because if a person can go through THAT kind of hell and NOT be dead, then they (me) are pretty dang strong.
I always thought that when I actually shared this with someone, ANYONE, that I would be telling one of my friends in America....who know everything (well, except this) about me and still love me. Amy, Teresa, Beverly....they know it ALL. Two of them actually "knew me when....." I can't have the kind of phone time where I could actually dump this on them and get it off my chest. THIS is why only God knows...why I can talk to Him when it starts to haunt me again, why I can share the most intimate details with Him and not feel like I am being judged. He holds me close when I get scared and tells me it will be okay and I get over it quickly and just bury it back in the "whew, it came, it saw, it went" box and hope it never rears its ugly head again. So, why now? Why THIS? Why not some of the other areas I need to work on.....I just don't trust anyone with information of this calibre. But SHOULD I? Who would it be? When and HOW would I do it? How will they react when I tell them?
Which brings me to my pondering.....Wouldn't it be SO cool if I had friends here in Australia like the ones on FRIENDS or Cheers? You know...."where everybody knows your naaame, and they're always glad you caaaame" and "I'll be there for youuuuuu, when the rain starts to fallllll"...those kinds of friends. Those guys fought, judged, and had issues, but they accepted each other, loved each other and were loyal at all costs. They admitted fault and still loved each other. They listened, they advised, they led and let lead. It would be so amazingly cool to have a circle like that.....sigh. Ah, whatever....I just hope God picks someone who is planning on moving away from this area if I have to share...LOL I don't want the repercussions of that judgement....because I KNOW I will get judgement in some shape form or fashion....is there really ANYONE out there who wouldn't judge me, I wonder. This issue wasn't even my fault in the least, but I just don't want to bring it up, I just want to let the past be the past and forget about it. Okay, gonna go watch Friends now....LOL

Things that are bad for me

Don't you just HATE it when you LOVE something, I mean REEEEALLY love something, and then someone comes along and tells you that it's bad for you? I hate it, and I hate it BAD. I want to live in a world where things that are bad, are actually good for you! I WANT chocolate to be good for me....so good in fact, that I could eat it every day and never gain weight....dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, purple chocolate...whatever......I NEED to hear that chocolate is good for me. I know that studies are now coming out about the benefits of dark chocolate, and, believe me, I use that to my benefit, but I am tired of people coming along and ruining it as I am enjoying it by saying "You shouldn't be eating that!". I KNOW I shouldn't be eating it....usually I am beating myself up as I am eating it, but leave me and my food choices alone!! DO you realize how LONG it has been since I have enjoyed some good chocolate?????? No, you don't, you don't have any idea....so why wreck my moment?! Why wreck anyone's moment? Did I ask you to hold me accountable for my eating choices? Nope!!!! So, when someone, no matter WHAT their weight is, is enjoying something that YOU think they shouldn't...JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE TO ENJOY THEIR SNACK GUILT-FREE!!!!!
I want bacon to be good for me, rasher bacon, streaky bacon, bacon bits, bacon pieces.......CAKE....chocolate cake, vanilla cake, cup cake, sponge cake, pound cake, coconut cake.....CHIPS.....potato chips, corn chips, hot chips, wedges, bring on the chips.....I LOVE healthy food......I LOVE raw veggies and cooked veggies and sauteed veggies, veggie juice, etc. I also LOVE fruit....in any shape form or fashion....but it's JUST not the same now is it?! I enjoy healthy meals, but sometimes, I just wanna eat total crap.......stuff that isn't good for me. Is that okay with you, Miss or Mister Diet Police? And others want to do that, too.....so leave 'em alone and let em enjoy....and while you're at it, remove whatever has you all "clogged up" and enjoy some of it, too. Step down....soap box ranting finished.....I'm off to the grocery store...

2011.....the year of servanthood

I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to stop griping and bitching about not having any friends in Australia and just start serving my church. I joined the worship team a few months back and wanted to do even more. So a couple of weeks ago I decided that I didn't just WANT to serve, I NEEDED to serve......A MILLION ideas popped into my head that I thought were doable. I LOVE my little church!!!! I wanted to do more....be a part of making it go from wonderful to....SPECTACULAR!!! It needs color, it needs creative people who are willing to do things and I am creative AND willing. I think that doing things at my church will be beneficial to me for a lot of reasons....it will get me out of the house, it will help me do the creative things that I love so much and maybe I will just bless someone along the way, which is really what my main goal is. I LOVE to be a blessing to others.....I don't see myself as much of a "blesser" right now, but you never know. I just want to make others smile....I love people that smile easily. I take it as a personal challenge when I find someone that won't smile easily and do everything I can to make them smile. What a feeling it is when you can light up someone's face!!!!!!!! I am making it a point to get to know people this year. Maybe my friend problem is because I am waiting for everyone to come to me, rather than seeking them out and getting to know them.....oh heavens, I am like my baby sister in that way....yikes!!!!! Don't wanna be like her!!!!! She's a nice person, but she never makes an effort with ANYONE, they always have to come to her.....lI find that a bit snooty and I am seeing that I have been like that a little bit. nonononononononono!!!!!! I have a few things I would like to do this year.....I want to start a women's Bible study and do some Beth Moore curriculums. Beth Moore's A Heart Like His was the Bible study that made me commit to the Lord. She is powerful and challenging and blesses you SO abundantly. I want to share that with others!!!!!! I want to do another musical, but I want it to be for adults this time too. I want to help decorate our church and make it bright and cheery!!!!! I want to help start a ladies ensemble group. I want to take more pics and use them to help decorate the church. God has placed all this on my heart and I have to get off my butt and put some of it into action. Of course, I have to run all this by my pastor and his wife.....but it was really funny that this morning he preached on using your gifts and not hiding them. So, I need to set up a time with him to see what his ideas on all this are. I just feel like God is telling me it's my time......my time to start serving with no excuses. I don't want to be a part of the problem, I want to be part of the solution. So, now that God has laid this on my heart, I will be praying for strength to actually do it. I will have to cut my Facebook time to about 2 hrs a day as opposed to 5 or 6...even more on some days.....which will be really hard for me....really, really hard. I have decided to cut down to three apps instead of 6. Choosing which ones I will play will be hard as I love them all.....but it needs to be done. So, I have put in writing where my heart is at, and I am doing this publicly, well, sort of, so people can hold me accountable when I go astray. I will post it on FB in a few days when I decide which apps I am sticking with and I will delete the others. I am going to put myself on a 9 to 5 schedule and get things done in my house and stop making excuses. I will get my kids onto a more doable schedule and stick to it. I am tired of watching life go past me.....I wanna go out and be a part of it!!!!!! So no more sitting around for me.....I'm DOING this year, not just BEING. Big step.....biiiiiiig step. Time for the big girl undies!!!!! Bring it on!